“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.”

~ Rumi

photo from: thelifeofawoman.wordpress.com

Sex is a good relationship thermometer. If there are communication or intimacy problems in your marriage the sexual relationship will be one of the first things to crash and burn. While it’s easy, especially with kids to take care of, to ignore issues such as lack of drive in one or both partners, I urge you to tackle them head on. It will only get worse.

A positive sex life is one where both partners feel fulfilled and have a healthy give & receive balance. When sex feels like a To Do on a list or worse, you’re dreading it all together, there is something wrong.

Communicate your thoughts with your partner with an attitude of finding a solution rather than a blaming.

Are you tired because you need more help with the kids? Give your husband specific ways he can lessen your load.

Have you been feeling uninspired? Sign up for a dance class. Paint. Do something that awakens your creativity.

Have you just been distancing yourself from you mate? Perhaps there are depression or anger issues that need to be worked out in therapy.

Is sex just not your “cup of tea”? Maybe one or both of you need to relearn the basics. Two Sex 101 Books. The Gift of Sex (great more conservative types) and The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex.

If you find yourself cringing at the idea of sex and haven’t had a baby in the last two months, you may need to get outside help. Despite what our oversexed, under-intimate (there is a difference) society says, a healthy marriage includes mutually satisfying sex.

The Healthy Place has great articles and videos on topics ranging from vibrator addiction (that’s a new one!) to body image.

http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/menu-id-66/

Don’t be shy about asking your doctor for a therapist referral if you feel as if your sexual issues run deep. Whether you go as a couple or solo, it’ll be a great first step towards having the sex life of your dreams.

You deserve it, mama.

xox SATS

If you think of motherhood as being “in the trenches” there’s no surprise that you’re living a romance-less life. No one has sex in the when they’re at war. It does take more effort to shower, put together a clean outfit, and maybe even bring out the powder and lip gloss, but if it makes you feel more like the best version of yourself, make it happen.

Footed PJs are for babies only.

Owning a few wardrobe staples can go a long way toward helping you feel like a put-together woman.

When shopping for yourself be on the look out for comfortable, versatile, attractive pieces of clothing that express who you are and most importantly, make you feel good. If you haven’t yet made the connection between feeling good and being available for sexy time, hurry up and do so. It’s real.

Putting Together Your Mom Uniform: Resources

1. AMominRedHighHeels.com This fabulous blog is run by a California mom of two. She dishes up the best mom-friendly fashion advice in the blogosphere. I met the owner, Tammy, a few years ago when we were both blogging for the same popular website. I was lucky enough to meet her when she invited me to a yacht party in southern California!

2. FashionofGoodwill/Blog If you’re a thrift store lover this blog will be your new favorite spot. Whether you’ve always loved recycled clothes or are a recession convert, these posts featuring the clothing of Goodwill stores will help you see old clothes with new eyes.

3. Nordstrom Bra Fitting Most moms own a few different sizes of bras. Being pregnant can cause the ladies to fluctuate in size and that’s fine. Once you’ve finished nursing and have leveled out be sure to be properly fitted.

Melissa Joan Hart keeping it simple and cute.

A Few Tips

Opt for higher quality pieces of clothing. Target and Forever21 clothes can be cute but you need pieces of clothing that will survive more than 10 washes. If you’re on a tight budget, buy 3 cheap tees, go for one that is well made.

Know what you like. Look at the clothes you actually wear. If jeans aren’t your style, don’t drop $120 on Seven for Mankind just because your girlfriend has a pair.

Clean out your closet of clothes that you’ve never liked. We all have those sale items that were just too good of a deal to pass on…even if the item didn’t fit or was hideous. Sell or give away those items. If you have girlfriends who wear the same size, hold a Clothing Swap Party. Everyone brings a large bag or two of clothing they’ve grown tired of and then the trading begins. Make a party of it by serving simple appetizers and chardonnay (let the children play amongst themselves).

There’s no reason to feel unrepresentable or frumpy just because you have kids. Taking 15 minutes in the morning to shower and get dressed will make a bigger difference than you think.

*Photo from Babble.com

I just read that approximately 18% of Americans are in “sexless marriages” or marriages where the couple has sex less than 10 times a year. Knowing what I know about modern moms, I bet the number is much higher than that.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of the international bestselling book Kosher Sex and star of the series Shalom in the Home acknowledges the high numbers of couples who live in relationships without sex and has released another book, The Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life.

I’m personally a big fan of Rabbi Shmuley for how he speaks out about the real issues facing families today, especially men. So often we focus on the hard work of mothers and wives and ignore the societal pressures men deal with.

Tackling these problems head on is the first step towards strengthening families and jump starting the sex lives of millions of couples.

Read more about Rabbi Shmuley’s newest book here: http://www.yourtango.com/200917123/rabbis-rx-sexless-marriage