Look around your bedroom right now. What do you see? C’mon be honest.

Are there sippy cups and wine glasses on your bedside tables? Clean and dirty clothes piled up in the hamper (and on the floor). A couple of Oprah’s literary recommendations lying around? What else? Shopping bags? Receipts (throw those away before the husband sees them)? DVDs? A stiletto and Ugg wasteland?

Now answer this question: who would want to give it up in an environment like that? You may as well be trying to make love in an outlet mall the day after Thanksgiving. It’s too much.  Just like on a Hollywood set, the mood, the feel of the space where the magic is supposed to happens is everything.

Mom. It’s time to get a box of Kleenex, a humongous trash bag and get rid of the stuff your “baby” can’t wear anymore. Despite what you may have seen in the wrong parts of LA, it’s not acceptable for a toddler to wear a onesie like a t-shirt with the little tails that can’t snap anymore flapping in the wind. We’re going to judge you.

I stumbled upon a site yesterday that will have your house de-cluttered and orgasms back before you can say “controlled burn” (which by the way is NOT  good way to get rid of excess goods).

www.handmedowns.com

After all is said and done, I’m all about supporting moms. This website allows moms to save some cash by buying and selling gently used clothes, toys, and strollers. It’s like our own Craigslist without the whole creepy casual encounters/fetish section. I mean, I’m a longtime fan of Craigslist but wouldn’t shop at a Babies ‘R Us that shared retail space with a topless bar. Nothing against breasts. I just don’t think the words “high chair” and “anal beads” should be on the same website.

Back to HandmeDowns.com. Instead of throwing away your baby clothes and letting that Maclaren waste away in your garage, let some local mom take them off of your hands. You’re dressing another baby and creating new space in your home! Tip: If you don’t have time to list clothes individually, sell them in a bundle called a “lot.” Spend the cash you make on candles and massage oil.

One of my favorite parts of the website is that they work with charities like Baby2Baby so that you can donate your goods directly to moms & dads who need a helping hand.

Another one of my favorite parts is that registration takes about 5.7 seconds. Bonus!

Bottom line: save the environment by letting members of your community reuse your stuff, make some money, support a charity, and have more sex.

xox SATS

Sell her stuff. It’s stressing you out.

Pregnancy is a funny thing. Some women LOVE to have sex when they’ve got a bun in the oven, some don’t. Frankly, up until 8 months-ish, I don’t see what the problem is. I know many men feel like they’re poking their fetus in the eye, but we women should know better than that.

I think it has to do with feeling hormonal, crazy, fat & constantly hungry. Oh and then there’s the heartburn, waddling, and fatness (did I say fat?).

Pregnant women, there’s no reason why you can’t keep your sexiness during pregnancy. You’re glowing (and sweating), use it.

My friend Tamara created a line that I think will get pregnant women back beneath the sheets doing what got them knocked up in the first place. Everyone knows I always say that sex for a woman begins with a shower. We all need to feel good & pretty before naughtiness takes place. It’s part of being a girl. This applies to our pregnant mommies too.

Tamara created The Spoiled Mama, a line of lotions, potions, and delicious body products that will make any mama, especially the pregnant ones, feel gorgeous.

She sent me the items from the pregnancy collection and I ADORE them.

The Sugar Scrub is amazing. It smells delicious, is made with all natural products, and will have any with-child woman sighing with happiness. If every pregnant woman started off the day with a The Spoiled Mama Sugar Scrub shower there would be no war. I’m not sure why, but there just wouldn’t.

The Tummy Butter is so thick and luxurious, not at all greasy. I’ve been using it on my spoiled toddler after her bath. Just one of the many ways I say “I love you” to my diva of a 2-year old.

The Extreme Mama Cream is a must for every mom- not just the pregnant ones. You know how often we wash our hands. Give ‘em some love. The Bump Gloss Stretch Mark oil gets two manicured thumbs up for being yummy smelling and feeling SO good on the skin.

Thank you Tamara for creating such an amazing line for moms! Only another mom could have done it. I’m meeting up with Tam (that’s my nickname because we’re so close now. bonded over my love of things that pamper me…) in San Francisco in a couple of weeks. I’ll report back with what she’s working on next!

xo SATS

PS. She has boxed set specials starting at $24 bucks so there is no reason why you can’t do something tres special for yourself. After all the poop wiping, kid chasing, meal fixing, food barfing (morning sickness, anyone?) you deserve it. High five.

I’ve heard that some people schedule sex. I’ve also heard that some people wash their walls. I’m not sure what freaks me out more.

Maybe it’s because I consider what goes in my momAgenda “obligations,” but writing “get down and dirty with my spouse, Oct 23rd” in my planner just freaks me out. Sex should be a priority in every marriage because it’s an important mode of communication (and fun). I know some women out there show how important it is by planning it and while I’m positive that their better halves appreciate knowing that it’s a FOR SURE, but I can’t just can’t get on that train.Doesn’t having sex on the first and third Wednesday of every leap year take away some of the nice surprise? If you’re having trouble getting into a regular sexy time way of life, consider this instead of a schedule: why not just assume you’re goign to have sex everyday and let the off days be the “surprise.” It sounds silly, but I try to remain in available mode as often as humanly possible (showered, feeling good about myself, not overwhelmed) most days so that sex is even possible.

And if alcohol helps you get there, so be it. It’s not a dry spell if it’s been 2 months. That’s a marriage in crisis.

Plan if you must, I’ll think you’re weird but at least you’re hitting the sheets. If you’re planning averse like I am, consider making your lifestyle sexual in the way that you take care of yourself enough to even consider taking off your clothes for something other than a shower.

Until next time…keep it sexy,

SATS

It’s hard enough for moms to feel like jumping out of their jeans. Don’t let these three libido killers ruin what could be a very naughty evening.

1. Watching Law & Order Special Victim’s Unit before bed.

Hearing a heart wrenching story about a five-year old’s brutal demise is not going to help you feel all tingly “down there.” Plus, 99% of the perps (yes, I said perps) are men and I don’t know about you, but I  always dislike my husband a little bit for no reason at all when the show is over. Don’t even watch the first 2 minutes to see where they discover the body, change the channel or go straight to bed.

2. Skipping your AM shower

Ok. No one wants to take it all off when they smell like a cross between Cheetos and Similac. Take a shower in the morning because you’re not going to get to it later.

3. Kids. Too late! Just kidding.

3. Snacks. Think before you sip, or eat. Not only will this tip help you shed pounds, it will also help with your dry spell. Eating a large piece of chocolate cake before bed will not make you feel sexy. Not feeling sexy will prevent you from having sex. Therefore, skipping the 540 calorie post-bed snack is a good thing. You’ll get into your jeans AND out of them much easier (ha!) Watch what you sip too. One glass of wine will loosen you up, two will make you silly, three and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

Have a fun Friday night!

xoxo SATS

Going from mom to responsive sexual partner isn’t a 10 second ordeal. For women, the brain is the biggest sexual organ meaning we have to plan and put significant effort into being sexual available. After the kids get into grandma’s car or go to sleep, here are five easy ways to transition into someone your husband isn’t afraid might bite his head off should he get any ideas.

5. Take a shower with a special body wash. The scent will melt away the day’s stresses

4. Change your clothes. Slip into something other than a huge t-shirt or sweatpants.

3. Touch up your makeup. This sounds crazy, right? Who puts makeup on at night? Looking into the mirror and seeming a ragamuffin does not make you feel hot. This isn’t for your husband, it’s for you. A little eyeliner and lip gloss works wonders.

2. Light a candle…or two. Candlelight is almost magical in it’s effect to transform a room full of unfolded laundry into a love den

1. About that laundry…put it in the living room. It’s hard to feel relaxed in a pigsty. Make sure your bedroom is a clean, relaxing environment. That means no bills, newspapers, or clutter!

Good luck