Sex is a good relationship thermometer. If there are communication or intimacy problems in your marriage the sexual relationship will be one of the first things to crash and burn. While it’s easy, especially with kids to take care of, to ignore issues such as lack of drive in one or both partners, I urge you to tackle them head on. It will only get worse.

A positive sex life is one where both partners feel fulfilled and have a healthy give & receive balance. When sex feels like a To Do on a list or worse, you’re dreading it all together, there is something wrong.

Communicate your thoughts with your partner with an attitude of finding a solution rather than a blaming.

Are you tired because you need more help with the kids? Give your husband specific ways he can lessen your load.

Have you been feeling uninspired? Sign up for a dance class. Paint. Do something that awakens your creativity.

Have you just been distancing yourself from you mate? Perhaps there are depression or anger issues that need to be worked out in therapy.

Is sex just not your “cup of tea”? Maybe one or both of you need to relearn the basics. Two Sex 101 Books. The Gift of Sex (great more conservative types) and The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex.

If you find yourself cringing at the idea of sex and haven’t had a baby in the last two months, you may need to get outside help. Despite what our oversexed, under-intimate (there is a difference) society says, a healthy marriage includes mutually satisfying sex.

The Healthy Place has great articles and videos on topics ranging from vibrator addiction (that’s a new one!) to body image.

http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/menu-id-66/

Don’t be shy about asking your doctor for a therapist referral if you feel as if your sexual issues run deep. Whether you go as a couple or solo, it’ll be a great first step towards having the sex life of your dreams.

You deserve it, mama.

xox SATS

I just read that approximately 18% of Americans are in “sexless marriages” or marriages where the couple has sex less than 10 times a year. Knowing what I know about modern moms, I bet the number is much higher than that.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of the international bestselling book Kosher Sex and star of the series Shalom in the Home acknowledges the high numbers of couples who live in relationships without sex and has released another book, The Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life.

I’m personally a big fan of Rabbi Shmuley for how he speaks out about the real issues facing families today, especially men. So often we focus on the hard work of mothers and wives and ignore the societal pressures men deal with.

Tackling these problems head on is the first step towards strengthening families and jump starting the sex lives of millions of couples.

Read more about Rabbi Shmuley’s newest book here: http://www.yourtango.com/200917123/rabbis-rx-sexless-marriage

Momscape published a great article on how to find romantic moments with the kids around. It can be hard for mom to get in the mood when their are dishes in the sink, she’s been with the kids all day, Legos are all over the living room floor…How can you regularly make sex a priority in your marriage?

My favorite Momscape tip:

“Build a romantic fire. Before the kids go to bed, have fun roasting marshmallows. After their lights are out, host your own indoor picnic, complete with a bottle of wine and chocolate-covered strawberries. “

Read the article: http://www.momscape.com/articles/romantic_ideas.htm