Look around your bedroom right now. What do you see? C’mon be honest.

Are there sippy cups and wine glasses on your bedside tables? Clean and dirty clothes piled up in the hamper (and on the floor). A couple of Oprah’s literary recommendations lying around? What else? Shopping bags? Receipts (throw those away before the husband sees them)? DVDs? A stiletto and Ugg wasteland?

Now answer this question: who would want to give it up in an environment like that? You may as well be trying to make love in an outlet mall the day after Thanksgiving. It’s too much.  Just like on a Hollywood set, the mood, the feel of the space where the magic is supposed to happens is everything.

Mom. It’s time to get a box of Kleenex, a humongous trash bag and get rid of the stuff your “baby” can’t wear anymore. Despite what you may have seen in the wrong parts of LA, it’s not acceptable for a toddler to wear a onesie like a t-shirt with the little tails that can’t snap anymore flapping in the wind. We’re going to judge you.

I stumbled upon a site yesterday that will have your house de-cluttered and orgasms back before you can say “controlled burn” (which by the way is NOT  good way to get rid of excess goods).

www.handmedowns.com

After all is said and done, I’m all about supporting moms. This website allows moms to save some cash by buying and selling gently used clothes, toys, and strollers. It’s like our own Craigslist without the whole creepy casual encounters/fetish section. I mean, I’m a longtime fan of Craigslist but wouldn’t shop at a Babies ‘R Us that shared retail space with a topless bar. Nothing against breasts. I just don’t think the words “high chair” and “anal beads” should be on the same website.

Back to HandmeDowns.com. Instead of throwing away your baby clothes and letting that Maclaren waste away in your garage, let some local mom take them off of your hands. You’re dressing another baby and creating new space in your home! Tip: If you don’t have time to list clothes individually, sell them in a bundle called a “lot.” Spend the cash you make on candles and massage oil.

One of my favorite parts of the website is that they work with charities like Baby2Baby so that you can donate your goods directly to moms & dads who need a helping hand.

Another one of my favorite parts is that registration takes about 5.7 seconds. Bonus!

Bottom line: save the environment by letting members of your community reuse your stuff, make some money, support a charity, and have more sex.

xox SATS

Sell her stuff. It’s stressing you out.

It’s 6 AM. You and your husband find yourselves in that magical moment in time when you’re both feeling up for a little something special. Ten minues into the rev up…you hear it…

“Mama!” The tired cry of a child.

Do you:

A: Ignore the calls of your little libido killer

or

B: Throw on a robe faster than your husband can say “nipple confusion” and make your baby a nice sippy cup of milk

Send your answers to onecrazymother@gmail.com

I’ll post the best ones

I’ve heard that some people schedule sex. I’ve also heard that some people wash their walls. I’m not sure what freaks me out more.

Maybe it’s because I consider what goes in my momAgenda “obligations,” but writing “get down and dirty with my spouse, Oct 23rd” in my planner just freaks me out. Sex should be a priority in every marriage because it’s an important mode of communication (and fun). I know some women out there show how important it is by planning it and while I’m positive that their better halves appreciate knowing that it’s a FOR SURE, but I can’t just can’t get on that train.Doesn’t having sex on the first and third Wednesday of every leap year take away some of the nice surprise? If you’re having trouble getting into a regular sexy time way of life, consider this instead of a schedule: why not just assume you’re goign to have sex everyday and let the off days be the “surprise.” It sounds silly, but I try to remain in available mode as often as humanly possible (showered, feeling good about myself, not overwhelmed) most days so that sex is even possible.

And if alcohol helps you get there, so be it. It’s not a dry spell if it’s been 2 months. That’s a marriage in crisis.

Plan if you must, I’ll think you’re weird but at least you’re hitting the sheets. If you’re planning averse like I am, consider making your lifestyle sexual in the way that you take care of yourself enough to even consider taking off your clothes for something other than a shower.

Until next time…keep it sexy,

SATS